God · Motherhood

The Real Reason.

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Sometimes a wave of reality hits and I’m left to wonder why I wasn’t paying closer attention to reality. Today, a wave that I really needed hit me…

It has been one of the most patience-testing weeks of my entire life, as I wait for the moment to come when I get to meet our baby. Last week, I remembered that I need to be patient, that helped but today I remembered something even better. I remembered that nearly exactly one year ago when the above picture was taken, I prayed. I prayed and asked God to bless us with the honor of having a child, not for the sake of myself and my desire to be a Mother but for the sake of Him. This, I believe, was the key. The same key to everything else in life; to do and to be, for the sake of God. When this is done, life is so much more beautiful in every way. I can promise this.

My prayer was answered, but I got caught in the illusion that this baby in my womb is all mine and my Husband’s. A gift from God, of course, but a gift that I am partially in control of. This thought of partial control is where I went wrong. I lost full grasp of the fact that this baby is an honor, a responsibility that God gave us in response to my prayer a year ago. I almost got too caught up to remember the real reason I asked for this baby. I asked for this baby so that I could raise them for the sake of God but the forgetful human characteristic in me forgot that carrying this baby and giving birth to this baby needs to be for the sake of God as well.

This wave of reality has given me a breath of fresh air and I think it is juuuuuust what I needed to get me through these last weeks of pregnancy and birth. It is also a very important lesson for me to constantly keep in mind, with every single breath of my life and every single action I take. This post is by far the most beneficial thing I have written for myself to look back at, and I hope that it is benificial to others as well.

 

 

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Allah · Birth · God · Holistic · Life · Motherhood · Muslimah · Pregnancy · Womanhood · Women

Metamorphosis

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Metamorphosis is the word I think of when I look at this picture.

met·a·mor·pho·sis: The process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

This word comes to mind more often now as we approach the last month of pregnancy. During the beginning of the pregnancy, my Dad used this word to explain to me that I would soon be like a caterpillar who transitions into a butterfly. I fell in love with that concept but had very little understanding of what it meant. Now, looking at all of the changes that I have gone through so far, I begin to understand his analogy even more which makes me fall in love with it even more.

I was a caterpillar, waiting for my time. Today, I am a cocoon.

co·coon: A silky case spun for protection in the pupal stage. To envelop or surround in a protective or comforting way.

My body is serving as a cocoon, protecting our baby’s body and soul as they grow to their full potential. Soon birth will approach us and I will enter a new stage of life. This is something I look forward to so much. A new woman, a butterfly that will never be the same caterpillar. Something beautiful in it’s own way. Something I look forward to, but have no idea of what to expect… How will I feel as I emerge into something so new? How will my body feel graduating from being a cocoon for our baby? How will it feel to fly as a new person, a mother, a butterfly? What will I look like, will I turn into a butterfly with the same colors as when I was a caterpillar? What will I leave behind from my life as a caterpillar that is no longer useful to me as a butterfly? What will I bring with me, into my new being? And most interestingly, what will I learn as a brand new butterfly? What type of person will I support myself to be during this change and what will I gain during this new experience? So unknown, and so beautiful.

So beautiful, yet so much beauty still left to think of. Like the outstanding reality of The Creator who Created this experience for women to go though. “He has not given birth and was not born.” (112:3) But still, He Created for us to experience such beauty. A true blessing, an obvious mercy…

Allah · Education · God · Hope · Life · Love · Motherhood · Muslimah · Plants · Pregnancy · Womanhood · Women

Always Him, Always First.

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I love this picture of our tomato or pepper (I can’t remember what I planted) plant growing in an eggshell. I call it my “mommy and baby plant” because of the sizes. So much about it is so cute. Generally, it gives me hope in the growth of spring. Specifically, it makes me think of myself and the growth I have gone through in the past 7 months of my pregnancy. It almost feels like I am a different person, which makes sense.

In the beginning of my pregnancy, my parents told me of how much change I will go through during the pregnancy and through the transition of motherhood. I thought I understood, but now I look back and realize that I didn’t understand them. I feel like I understand them now, but maybe when I actually become a mother I will look back again and realize that I don’t really understand. That wold be okay, because at least that would mean that I am still growing. Still growing as an individual, as a woman, and as a mother.

I love this stage of my life because of how much I have changed. When they told me I would change, I didn’t know what to expect exactly. That is the beautiful part, you can’t know what to expect because you haven’t gone through it personally. Also, I believe it is something that is so different for each and every person. Not just motherhood, but life itself. Sometimes it’s like you’ve stayed the same person for years, and other times it’s like you’ve changed drastically within months.

I am enjoying my changes and feel much more open, much more happy. Spirituality was my goal when I found out we are expecting. I wanted myself, the pregnancy, my connection with our unborn baby, and the birth to be spiritual. The amazing thing is that I had absolutely no idea where I should begin, I just knew that God had to be included. God was the answer, as He always is, and led me towards so many people and so much information that I needed in order to reach my goal. The way things came about and the way I came across life-changing knowledge, could only happen with His guidance.

One of my favorite things to do now is to look back at all of the different things that I thought was weird such as talking to the baby, or even my old opinion of thinking breastfeeding was weird. I like to look back at all of those un-knowledgeable judgments that I had in my mind and think of how thankful I am that those things have left me.

I look forward to continuing to change towards the better, towards the spiritual, and towards what is straight and beautiful. I look froward to looking back once I’ve transitioned into motherhood and think of all of the ways that I’ve changed from today. I guess the real reason I wrote this is so I can look back at this and remember that with any goal, I must seek God’s help first. Always Him, always First.

Allah · Feminism · God · Life · Love · Motherhood · Muslimah · Pregnancy · Women

My Empowering Body.

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I am incredibly thankful my amazing body. I find myself feeling shy speaking about my body but I know that’s only because society makes women feel like their bodies are only sexually amazing. That concept bothers me, so I’m going to talk freely about why my body is so amazing. It deserves at least that much. Sadly, I’ve never felt this way about my body before my pregnancy. I’ve never felt this thankful, or this intrigued towards my body. So I’ve decided to make a list of facts that amaze me most, especially due to pregnancy:

The fact that my uterus is literally the home of my child; protecting, supporting, preparing. The fact that there is a placenta inside of me, feeding nutrients to my growing child every time my heart beats. The fact that my heart is beating to support not only my body, but my baby’s body too. The fact that my skin is literally stretching as my organs move to make room for my expanding uterus. The fact that my body is preparing to make milk to feed an actual human being. The fact that my body was made to birth a life into this world. The fact that I, Sabrina, have a baby bump. And the most amazing fact of all, that God is in control of all of it.

It so funny to me that I’ve never cared for my body the way I do now. I’ve never seen it so beautiful, or respected it so much. Never, in my entire life. I don’t understand why that is, why I was so shy to be proud of my womanhood and my female abilities. I remember in high school when we approached the “reproductive system” in health class, I couldn’t wait to be done with the chapter. I told myself it was awkward and gross. Nursing was something I didn’t want to do, because it was weird. I realize now, that the only reason it was weird is because we grow up feeling like our breasts are mostly for sexual reasons and much less for the support and bonding of our children. We don’t grow up preparing for what our bodies are made to do naturally. For example, we don’t grow up gaining an education on how to take care of your pregnancy, or how to care for yourself after birth. This isn’t in our education system so it is rarely in our knowledge. What is in our mind is the judgment, the expectations.

I saw my body as “okay” during the times it was skinny. I saw my face as “okay” during the times I wore makeup. During the times I gained weight and the times when I was bare-faced, I felt less than “okay”. Can you believe that? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that I saw myself and my body as something less than it is. Now, I feel the complete opposite. I am so happy to be growing a child inside of me. So happy that even comments such as “Wow! You’re getting big!” and “You’re waddling.” are comments that make me smile. I am SO grateful that I have come to this time. This time in my life where I am learning how amazing my body truly is. It is beautiful, strong, and extremely empowering.

 

A special thank you to my Husband, my Family, my Midwife, and the many people who support me are helping me learn about my body and it’s abilities.

Allah · God · Life · Love · Motherhood · PregnancyProject

Pregnancy Project: God is Love

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My little kickboxer,

I still can’t believe that we have been blessed with your life in my womb. Today, I cried a happy cry because the thought of you settled in a little more. I don’t think that the gift of you will ever settle in completely because it is such a huge blessing. A huge blessing from Allah.

Allah. The One I can’t wait to teach you about. The One who keeps your heart beating while you listen to the sound of my heart beating. The One who lets me breath, so that you can keep growing. That thought makes me feel love. Love for Him, for the gift of you. True love, something I can’t wait for you to feel when you get to know Him even more than you already do.

Allah · Death · God · Hope · Islam · Life · Love · Travel

The Most Outstanding Year of My Entire Life

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A new year is upon us, and everyone is talking about their experiences throughout 2015. I figured I might as well do the same because, for me, this year was by far THE most outstanding year of my entire life.

I will start from the beginning. At the end of 2014, in December, my Husband and I took a chance in our lives. We finished the semester of school, quit our jobs, and left the Country. We traveled for nearly three months and let me tell ya, it felt SO good! I will be forever grateful that Allah blessed us with the opportunity of a lifetime to travel for so long at once and to so many places.

We started out in London then went to Birmingham, took a train to visit friends in Burton on Trent for a day, took a bus to Norwich (my FAVORITE in England) for two days, returned to Birmingham for about a week, then flew to Spain (my FAVORITE in the world, from what I have seen so far) where we stayed in the north for a week, took a 9 hour bus south to Granada where we stayed for about a week, returned to a village in the north called Murillo for three weeks, flew to Italy spending a week there, then flew back to our original destination Birmingham, took a bus for a day to Manchester, another day trip to London, then back to Birmingham for the rest of our visit.

We returned home feeling refreshed. I am so thankful that I kept a journal while we were out and about, because I learned an incredible amount about life, myself, and my Husband/our relationship. It was such an amazing experience. The places were beautiful in their own ways, and one of my favorite parts are the beautiful people that we were blessed to spend time with. This new year, I plan to begin a post series about my traveling experiences and the people that we spent time with so please do keep an eye open for that!

Gratefully, our traveling didn’t end there! In June, we visited Thailand which is where my Husband’s Father is from. It was another amazing experience, one I didn’t ever expect. I remember being very nervous about the food there, to the point that I nearly refused going on the trip. I was terrified of what I would have to taste. Little did I know, Thai food is probably THE BEST food ever! I enjoyed it so much, and miss it very often.

Before this trip came around, the most horrifying thing happened to our family. This was by far, the most traumatizing thing about 2015. In April, my Brother In-Law went to an apartment complex to deliver pizza and was murdered. Nothing could have prepared us for that type of news, eight months later it still hurts. Although this was such a heart breaking event in our lives, it turned out to be a reality check. It taught me so very much about my life, and it was a moment for me to realize that without my faith in Allah I would be a complete mess. I would be forever ruined, and I would have lost myself. I would have fallen entirely hopeless in life.

Here I will take a moment to admire death. It will happen to all of us, and that must be something we take seriously. It can happen anytime and in so many different ways. Before the murder, I dealt with the reality of death after a co-worker committed suicide. This was a different type of death that I never dealt with before. It created so many questions in my mind and so many different feelings that I didn’t know how to deal with. I was sad, and angry. I admired the person so much, and still respect them till today. With so many questions unanswered, I just try my best to remember their smile and keep hopeful.

Hope. That is one of the biggest lessons that I learned this year. After my Brother In-Law passed away, I realized what hope really is about. Never before did I pay hopefulness any respect or even realize how important it is. This topic is a whole post itself, so I will save it for another day. The point is, hope is so important in times of difficulty and in times of ease. The death helped me learn about hopefulness in times of difficulty, and soon after I learned about hopefulness in times of ease.

Growing up, just like most girls, my dream was to get married to a handsome man who would treat me like a princess. When I turned 18 my dream came true, all thanks due to God! Shortly after that, I realized that my dream didn’t end there. My dream was actually much more extensive than I thought. I wanted to have a baby that would be ours, a child that my Husband and I would be responsible for, one that I could spend my life mothering. Those were the important goals in my life along with the most important thing, being the best worshiper of Allah that I could be.

Here I am, two years after our simple picnic wedding, with the sweetest news. The blessing of a little one growing inside my body. A new sense of hope. I prayed and prayed and depended on the hope that I placed in Allah. Now, I thank Him. He is truly the only reason why something so amazing could happen.

“Recite in the name of your Lord who created. Created man from a clinging substance.”

-Quran: Surah Al Alaq, 96:1-2

That is about it! Here I am, at the end of 2015. Happy to be alive, and happy to have learned all that I learned this year. Alhamdulilah (praise be to God)! I look forward to 2016, and pray that we are blessed with many more meaningful years to come; amin!

Education · God · Hope · Love · Voice

The Sunday Paper📰

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Alhamdulilah, all thanks is due to Allah! We have had such a great opportunity to spread the peace that Islam represents in our little town in Wisconsin! Recently, my Dad and I were interviewed by the local news paper for an article concerning how we feel as Muslims towards terrorism and how we feel with all of the “Anti-Islam” hate going around, especially through the media. Here is a link to the article for anyone who may like to read! Also, please keep an eye out for recordings that I will post from our brand new radio show beginning this Saturday inshaAllah!