God · Motherhood

The Real Reason.

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Sometimes a wave of reality hits and I’m left to wonder why I wasn’t paying closer attention to reality. Today, a wave that I really needed hit me…

It has been one of the most patience-testing weeks of my entire life, as I wait for the moment to come when I get to meet our baby. Last week, I remembered that I need to be patient, that helped but today I remembered something even better. I remembered that nearly exactly one year ago when the above picture was taken, I prayed. I prayed and asked God to bless us with the honor of having a child, not for the sake of myself and my desire to be a Mother but for the sake of Him. This, I believe, was the key. The same key to everything else in life; to do and to be, for the sake of God. When this is done, life is so much more beautiful in every way. I can promise this.

My prayer was answered, but I got caught in the illusion that this baby in my womb is all mine and my Husband’s. A gift from God, of course, but a gift that I am partially in control of. This thought of partial control is where I went wrong. I lost full grasp of the fact that this baby is an honor, a responsibility that God gave us in response to my prayer a year ago. I almost got too caught up to remember the real reason I asked for this baby. I asked for this baby so that I could raise them for the sake of God but the forgetful human characteristic in me forgot that carrying this baby and giving birth to this baby needs to be for the sake of God as well.

This wave of reality has given me a breath of fresh air and I think it is juuuuuust what I needed to get me through these last weeks of pregnancy and birth. It is also a very important lesson for me to constantly keep in mind, with every single breath of my life and every single action I take. This post is by far the most beneficial thing I have written for myself to look back at, and I hope that it is benificial to others as well.

 

 

Allah · Birth · God · Holistic · Life · Motherhood · Muslimah · Pregnancy · Womanhood · Women

Metamorphosis

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Metamorphosis is the word I think of when I look at this picture.

met·a·mor·pho·sis: The process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

This word comes to mind more often now as we approach the last month of pregnancy. During the beginning of the pregnancy, my Dad used this word to explain to me that I would soon be like a caterpillar who transitions into a butterfly. I fell in love with that concept but had very little understanding of what it meant. Now, looking at all of the changes that I have gone through so far, I begin to understand his analogy even more which makes me fall in love with it even more.

I was a caterpillar, waiting for my time. Today, I am a cocoon.

co·coon: A silky case spun for protection in the pupal stage. To envelop or surround in a protective or comforting way.

My body is serving as a cocoon, protecting our baby’s body and soul as they grow to their full potential. Soon birth will approach us and I will enter a new stage of life. This is something I look forward to so much. A new woman, a butterfly that will never be the same caterpillar. Something beautiful in it’s own way. Something I look forward to, but have no idea of what to expect… How will I feel as I emerge into something so new? How will my body feel graduating from being a cocoon for our baby? How will it feel to fly as a new person, a mother, a butterfly? What will I look like, will I turn into a butterfly with the same colors as when I was a caterpillar? What will I leave behind from my life as a caterpillar that is no longer useful to me as a butterfly? What will I bring with me, into my new being? And most interestingly, what will I learn as a brand new butterfly? What type of person will I support myself to be during this change and what will I gain during this new experience? So unknown, and so beautiful.

So beautiful, yet so much beauty still left to think of. Like the outstanding reality of The Creator who Created this experience for women to go though. “He has not given birth and was not born.” (112:3) But still, He Created for us to experience such beauty. A true blessing, an obvious mercy…

Allah · Education · God · Hope · Life · Love · Motherhood · Muslimah · Plants · Pregnancy · Womanhood · Women

Always Him, Always First.

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I love this picture of our tomato or pepper (I can’t remember what I planted) plant growing in an eggshell. I call it my “mommy and baby plant” because of the sizes. So much about it is so cute. Generally, it gives me hope in the growth of spring. Specifically, it makes me think of myself and the growth I have gone through in the past 7 months of my pregnancy. It almost feels like I am a different person, which makes sense.

In the beginning of my pregnancy, my parents told me of how much change I will go through during the pregnancy and through the transition of motherhood. I thought I understood, but now I look back and realize that I didn’t understand them. I feel like I understand them now, but maybe when I actually become a mother I will look back again and realize that I don’t really understand. That wold be okay, because at least that would mean that I am still growing. Still growing as an individual, as a woman, and as a mother.

I love this stage of my life because of how much I have changed. When they told me I would change, I didn’t know what to expect exactly. That is the beautiful part, you can’t know what to expect because you haven’t gone through it personally. Also, I believe it is something that is so different for each and every person. Not just motherhood, but life itself. Sometimes it’s like you’ve stayed the same person for years, and other times it’s like you’ve changed drastically within months.

I am enjoying my changes and feel much more open, much more happy. Spirituality was my goal when I found out we are expecting. I wanted myself, the pregnancy, my connection with our unborn baby, and the birth to be spiritual. The amazing thing is that I had absolutely no idea where I should begin, I just knew that God had to be included. God was the answer, as He always is, and led me towards so many people and so much information that I needed in order to reach my goal. The way things came about and the way I came across life-changing knowledge, could only happen with His guidance.

One of my favorite things to do now is to look back at all of the different things that I thought was weird such as talking to the baby, or even my old opinion of thinking breastfeeding was weird. I like to look back at all of those un-knowledgeable judgments that I had in my mind and think of how thankful I am that those things have left me.

I look forward to continuing to change towards the better, towards the spiritual, and towards what is straight and beautiful. I look froward to looking back once I’ve transitioned into motherhood and think of all of the ways that I’ve changed from today. I guess the real reason I wrote this is so I can look back at this and remember that with any goal, I must seek God’s help first. Always Him, always First.

Allah · Feminism · God · Life · Love · Motherhood · Muslimah · Pregnancy · Women

My Empowering Body.

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I am incredibly thankful my amazing body. I find myself feeling shy speaking about my body but I know that’s only because society makes women feel like their bodies are only sexually amazing. That concept bothers me, so I’m going to talk freely about why my body is so amazing. It deserves at least that much. Sadly, I’ve never felt this way about my body before my pregnancy. I’ve never felt this thankful, or this intrigued towards my body. So I’ve decided to make a list of facts that amaze me most, especially due to pregnancy:

The fact that my uterus is literally the home of my child; protecting, supporting, preparing. The fact that there is a placenta inside of me, feeding nutrients to my growing child every time my heart beats. The fact that my heart is beating to support not only my body, but my baby’s body too. The fact that my skin is literally stretching as my organs move to make room for my expanding uterus. The fact that my body is preparing to make milk to feed an actual human being. The fact that my body was made to birth a life into this world. The fact that I, Sabrina, have a baby bump. And the most amazing fact of all, that God is in control of all of it.

It so funny to me that I’ve never cared for my body the way I do now. I’ve never seen it so beautiful, or respected it so much. Never, in my entire life. I don’t understand why that is, why I was so shy to be proud of my womanhood and my female abilities. I remember in high school when we approached the “reproductive system” in health class, I couldn’t wait to be done with the chapter. I told myself it was awkward and gross. Nursing was something I didn’t want to do, because it was weird. I realize now, that the only reason it was weird is because we grow up feeling like our breasts are mostly for sexual reasons and much less for the support and bonding of our children. We don’t grow up preparing for what our bodies are made to do naturally. For example, we don’t grow up gaining an education on how to take care of your pregnancy, or how to care for yourself after birth. This isn’t in our education system so it is rarely in our knowledge. What is in our mind is the judgment, the expectations.

I saw my body as “okay” during the times it was skinny. I saw my face as “okay” during the times I wore makeup. During the times I gained weight and the times when I was bare-faced, I felt less than “okay”. Can you believe that? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that I saw myself and my body as something less than it is. Now, I feel the complete opposite. I am so happy to be growing a child inside of me. So happy that even comments such as “Wow! You’re getting big!” and “You’re waddling.” are comments that make me smile. I am SO grateful that I have come to this time. This time in my life where I am learning how amazing my body truly is. It is beautiful, strong, and extremely empowering.

 

A special thank you to my Husband, my Family, my Midwife, and the many people who support me are helping me learn about my body and it’s abilities.

Education · Life · Simple · SocialMedia · Technology

Intellect.

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I write this post with great concern. Literally, my eyebrows are in distress. I probably should hope it doesn’t cause any wrinkles, but wrinkles should be the last thing on my mind. What is on my mind, is intelligence. I must begin by explaining that I mean no offence to anyone in writing this, however I do feel it is something so necessary to  be aware of.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother asked me if I had heard of a viral video that has been going around titled “Damn, Daniel.” I hadn’t heard of it, so he began explaining what the video was about. There are so many silly videos that go viral, but this one actually made me feel worried about the well-being of my fellow human beings. If you haven’t seen the video and would like to understand where my opinion is coming from, here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LUX70mXcEE

I know that the goal of many young people is to become famous. I also know that young people do silly things that can become hilarious inside jokes. So, I have nothing negative to say about Daniel and his friend. However, what I wonder is “are the people who have found this video entertaining, okay?” Even in the link above, you will see that both boys shake their head in shock of how many people (millions) actually found their video entertaining. They themselves are surprised that their silly inside joke became a hit.

Why is it that such a silly thing can actually entertain the attention of so many people? What is happening to the quality of our mental clarity? I have two ideas that combine into my theory, to answer my questions:

1: Our school system! Yep, our 12 years of schooling is my first theory. You might think I’m loco but there is a book titled “Educating Your Child in Modern Times” that completely backs me up. Here is a simplified explanation: children grow up going to school 5 days a week for 12 years of their lives. In school, they sit in classrooms filled with other children their exact same age. Besides the “education” they are receiving, they are also receiving “social skills” from their fellow classmates. Now, if you are mostly surrounded by people who are your same age, for this majority of time, it is difficult to ever gain maturity skills. This leaves children with childlike and childish mentalities. These children grow into adults, and find themselves with difficulties in adulthood, because they simply have not matured. This creates a problem within the self. The non-matured individual is easily controlled by society which is a problem on a whole new level. If they are easily controlled, they can be easily informed lies by the media, they can be easily encouraged to consume at extremely high rates while never being satisfied, AND (here is the relevant part) they are easy to entertain.

2: We have literally detached from our own selves, to the point that we cannot be left alone with our selves which leads us to being in constant need of entertainment. For some, it may be that they are on a constant “go, go, go” and simply do not know how to relax. For others, they intentionally keep themselves busy so that they do not have to face their racing thoughts. Constant thoughts that we do not know how to control. An actual addiction, to our own thoughts. No peace, no clarity, no reflection.

Some might think “why did she write this post, why should anyone care?” but if you truly think about it, you’ll realize the downward slope… What are your thoughts? Opinions?

Allah · God · Life · Love · Motherhood · PregnancyProject

Pregnancy Project: God is Love

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My little kickboxer,

I still can’t believe that we have been blessed with your life in my womb. Today, I cried a happy cry because the thought of you settled in a little more. I don’t think that the gift of you will ever settle in completely because it is such a huge blessing. A huge blessing from Allah.

Allah. The One I can’t wait to teach you about. The One who keeps your heart beating while you listen to the sound of my heart beating. The One who lets me breath, so that you can keep growing. That thought makes me feel love. Love for Him, for the gift of you. True love, something I can’t wait for you to feel when you get to know Him even more than you already do.

Education · Life · Simple · SocialMedia · Technology · Voice

The Sleeping Beauty

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I should start this honestly by saying that I, like many others, adore having a mobile phone. The sleek elegant look of my shiny iPhone and all of the entertaining apps that it carries. This phone, is one of my greatest worries. A device that I turn to for communication, education, and inspiration. A device that I give more attention to than most other things. While I am often distracted by it, I sometimes grasp a chance to wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have it.

I assume that if I didn’t have my phone, I would be much more independent. I would know exactly how to use a map with confidence. I would be less involved with social media, meaning that I would be more involved with the people directly around me. I would get a feeling of peace from real, alive, nature rather than artificial “peace” from photos of nature. I would get inspiration from endless hours at the library with my nose in books rather than from the apps on my screen.

Out of all of these things that come to mind, one of the most alarming questions that I ask myself is “who are we becoming because of our technology?” The answer that I come up with is “Sleeping beauties.” 

“Sleeping” because of how involved we are in connecting with people online, while we are literally disconnected from the reality around us. “Beauties” because we always make sure to look glamorous. Glam that is not for ourselves or for the people around us but for the fact that there is always a chance we will need to take a selfie, and of course we MUST look glamorous for that.

Of course I want to say that the solution is to completely cut ourselves from modern communication, and go back to how it was done 20 years ago but I have to be real. That probably wont happen. So I place my hope and effort in replacing my phone with life. I have set goals for myself to read books more often than I read information online, and experience nature